Repeated abuse changes how you think about yourself and your abilities. Recovery work includes releasing destructive beliefs and the instilled fear produced by abuse.

Gaslight security begins with recognizing it. Merriam-Webster’s definition of gaslighting: “psychological manipulation of a person...

Believing you deserve abuse is an injury from coercive control. Abuse damages your belief in your worthiness, leaving you vulnerable to those who want to dominate.

This fourth blog in my assertive communication series shows why these skills are important and how to be constructive in their use.

This assertive communication skills series begins with two self-defining skills: assertive request and assertive refusal.

Noticing and adjusting your thoughts is an important mental health skill for everyone. Change negative thinking and you'll change your life.

Centering self-care de-stresses and connects you to your emotions and thoughts. This creates a resilient buffer from all stress, including abuse. By regaining your former self-care methods and perhaps adding new ones, you can reconnect with yourself and regain your power.  

This blog is the beginning of a seven-part series regarding therapeutic basics that I found addressed survivors’ concerns and encouraged post-traumatic growth. Each of my next six blogs will go into more depth. I think you will find they help you to empower yourself.

Dr. Boss reveals that resilience is especially important when there are no immediate solutions. This is often what intimate partner abuse survivors face: no immediate solution. Sometimes, coercive behavior continues even after leaving. Dr. Boss prescribes adaptability, flexibility, and tolerance for ambiguity. What do these mean for victims of intimate abuse?

Betrayal Trauma is a phenomenon that occurs when there is a violation of trust by someone whom we depend on for survival or to whom we are significantly attached.

Relationships without trust are like trying to drive a car without wheels. It won’t take you to where you want to go.

As we begin a new year, it's important to recognize that new beginnings include telling your own story.

After survivors learn the tactics of coercion and attend to their injuries, they can focus on how to respond in ways that empower them and disempower the controller. They do this by learning how to keep abusers’ blame, negation, and gaslighting from having power over them.  

One of the most significant emotional injuries from intimate partner abuse is loss of self-esteem.

The term “victim” does not identify who anyone is, nor does it reflect on their worth. It denotes what happened to them.

Next steps are always scary. We don’t know what they will be like—not really—until we take them. Each of the paths listed above encompasses many steps. We can set off, but we cannot outline each step, each curve, each boulder along the way, and when we think we have to, it stops us from ever setting off.

I am opening a new chapter in my career. I will be sending in the manuscript for my book for survivors of intimate partner abuse within a couple of weeks. I began revising my web site to reflect that I only do intimate partner abuse work now. I am contemplating supervising a Master’s level student. I have two workshops to prepare for this fall. A lot is happening and it is all in the middle of a pandemic!

I counsel everyone who is embarking on something new to expect feeling fearful. It usually feels like jumping off a cliff. All the insecurities we have (and we all have them) jump out to convince us we can’t make it.

"A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he...

Poise is a state of balance. We can see this physically when we view poised people moving with grace and agility. If thrown off balance,...