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After survivors learn the tactics of coercion and attend to their injuries, they can focus on how to respond in ways that empower them and disempower the controller. They do this by learning how to keep abusers’ blame, negation, and gaslighting from having power over them.  

Divorce is never easy, and that is especially true for intimate partner abuse survivors. My last blog, Considering Divorce, was a walk-through of the process. During my interview with Holly Slota, attorney at Pines Bach LLP in Madison WI, I asked what issues make it more difficult for survivors. This blog combines her responses with guidance on how to handle each issue.

Survivors, as well as those who work with them, will find my interview with Attorney Holly Slota from Pines Bach LLP in Madison, Wisconsin, informative. Those who contemplate leaving often feel fear about the unknown legal system, making an already complicated decision more difficult. Abusers often tell their partners information that is inaccurate because they want to manipulate or frighten them.

One of the most significant emotional injuries from intimate partner abuse is loss of self-esteem.

My guest blogger is Caron Kipping, a Divorce and Separation Coach in Great Britain and the author of "Recognition to Recovery."

Allies are the first pearl in the necklace of insight, hope, and healing. Victims know the difference between an ally and someone who has an agenda.

The term “victim” does not identify who anyone is, nor does it reflect on their worth. It denotes what happened to them.

Acknowledging what we don’t know represents strength when we use our curiosity and “inner scientist” to learn about it

I structured my book, Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek, around issues and questions I frequently hear from survivors and often from those who work with them.

As I delved into writing my book, I rediscovered Eisler’s work along with her subsequent books that explore Partnership systems throughout all aspects of society. My soon to be published book Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek has a chapter that connects the insights of her work with intimate partner abuse.

The Burning Bowl ceremony is about releasing what no longer serves us. The White Stone ceremony is about welcoming something into your life that you want to grow toward or find..

Intimate partner abuse survivors have one or more of the following experiences with their own anger. Actually, all but the first one are common for others as well. This blog will explore each type before talking about anger as a superpower.

It’s Not Against the Law If you have experienced coercive control, you know the devastating effects. Those who feel entitled to use it...

Next steps are always scary. We don’t know what they will be like—not really—until we take them. Each of the paths listed above encompasses many steps. We can set off, but we cannot outline each step, each curve, each boulder along the way, and when we think we have to, it stops us from ever setting off.

I am opening a new chapter in my career. I will be sending in the manuscript for my book for survivors of intimate partner abuse within a couple of weeks. I began revising my web site to reflect that I only do intimate partner abuse work now. I am contemplating supervising a Master’s level student. I have two workshops to prepare for this fall. A lot is happening and it is all in the middle of a pandemic!

This post is about shifting our attitudes regarding the need to take a stand on domineering, coercive behavior. Beyond the justified anger and grief is a space for pride in the fact that we never give up on empowering ourselves.

We can all do our part by supporting protests of these injustices. That can take the shape of a march, but longer term work happens by joining organizations that work against intimate partner and racial injustice.

We often want to retaliate and give people a dose of what they’ve given us, but this does not maintain our power.

Intimate partner violence victims’ safety has always been linked to how communities work together to reduce IPV. Unfortunately, our society’s response to IPV often enables violence.

Being under a Safe at Home order is an oxymoron when it comes to IPV, since home is where you’re in danger.